Coping with Separation Anxiety in Children

Helping children to create routines within their daily life is one of the best ways to teach confidence, self-discipline and cooperation—skills that later lead to the development of strong coping mechanisms. Such skills enable children to more easily navigate unexpected changes and adjust to unfamiliar environments.

• Visit the School or Center. Children act out stresses from separation anxiety in a number of different ways. One way to reduce separation anxiety is to introduce them, in advance, to the school or child care center they will attend. If the school or center allows for pre-school year visits, take advantage to get your child acclimated. It’s also helpful to establish the route that you will use to get to the classroom each day and to repeat it a couple of times with whatever mode of transportation you will use. If you can walk to the center, walk the route several times so that that the child becomes familiar with it. Even with infants, repeating this route while they are in their stroller can help them to become familiar with scenery that will eventually signal that they are on their way to a safe place.
• Establish a Goodbye Ritual. Goodbye rituals in the classroom at the start of the day play an important role in making a child feel safe, and will lessen the opportunity for nervousness and panic to arise when the parent leaves for the day. When you bring your child to school or child care center, give yourself enough time to pick out a book to read with your child, or sit down with them while they draw a picture. Once it is time to leave, talk to the child in an energetic tone about what’s in store for that day. Emphasize that you will be back to pick them up in the afternoon, and will be excited to hear about the day at school.
• Say Goodbye. Never leave without saying goodbye. Sneaking away only heightens your child’s worry that they cannot trust you or trust in your return.
• Bring a Token From Home. Send your child to school with something that connects them to home and family, such as a photograph or a favorite toy. Having this reminder close-at-hand can help to calm children down if they become upset or experience a moment of panic during the day.
• Volunteer in the Classroom When You Can. Spending time in your child’s classroom as a volunteer has many advantages. You can learn more about your child’s teachers and the learning styles they apply in the classroom and develop a more meaningful relationship with them. A child who sees their parent interacting in their classroom with their peers will feel safe and welcome in that setting. Children are much more likely to feel secure in an environment where they know their parents are safe and welcomed, too.
• Practice Calming Exercises With Your Child. If children have a particularly difficult time adjusting to their new environment in the first weeks of the year, there are several calming exercises that you can practice with them. This is a great way to teach children how to take control of their own emotions and calm down so that they are ready and prepared to take on the day.