Separation Anxiety: Tips for Helping Children Develop Coping Skills

Tips for Developing Coping Skills Prior to Going to School

Helping children create routines in their daily lives, before they head to preschool or even kindergarten, is one of the best ways to teach confidence, self-discipline and cooperation.

Building these skills now can help your child develop strong coping mechanisms later on, enabling them to navigate unexpected changes more easily and adjust better to unfamiliar environments.

See our recommendations on how to build these skills, even prior to your child’s first day at their new center!

• Visit the School or Center.

  One way to reduce separation anxiety in your child is to introduce them, in advance, to the school or child care center they will attend. If the school or center allows pre-school-year visits, take advantage and start getting your child acclimated. It’s also helpful to establish the route that you will use to get to the classroom each day and to repeat it a couple of times with whatever mode of transportation you will use. If you can walk to the center, walk the route several times so that your child becomes familiar with it. Even with infants, repeating this route while they are in their stroller can help them become familiar with scenery that will eventually signal that they are on their way to a safe place.

• Volunteer in the Classroom When You Can.

  Spending time in your child’s classroom as a volunteer has many advantages. You can learn more about your child’s teachers and the learning styles they apply in the classroom and develop a more meaningful relationship with them. A child who sees their parent interacting in their classroom with their peers will feel safe and welcome in that setting. Children are much more likely to feel secure in an environment where they know their parents are safe and welcomed, too.

• Practice Calming Exercises With Your Child.

  There are several calming exercises, like deep breathing and physical grounding, that you can practice with your child before they start school, which can help them better control their own emotions and calm down so that they are ready and prepared to take on the day. We recommend talking with your school’s family support specialists or physician on the options that may work best for your child.

• Say Goodbye.

  Sneaking away only heightens your child’s worry that they cannot trust you or trust in your return.

Coping Strategies for Parents at Drop-Off

Drop-off can be a time of your child’s peak anxiety. To mitigate some of these stressors, you can use the following tips to support your child and help them go into their day worry-free!

• Establish a Goodbye Ritual.

  Goodbye rituals in the classroom at the start of the day play an important role in making a child feel safe, and will lessen the opportunity for nervousness and panic to arise when you leave for the day. We recommend giving yourself enough time to pick out a book to read with your child, or sit down with them while they draw a picture, as some options for part of your goodbye before you head out.

• Use a Short Scripted Phrase for handoff.

  Once it is time to leave, utilizing a consistent, quick phrase can help signal to your child that you will be leaving and establish a new routine for them to expect and understand. Some tips for a script are saying goodbye, reminding them that you will be back to pick them up in the afternoon and sharing that you are excited to hear about their day at school.

• Bring a Transitional Object (Token From Home).

  Send your child to school with something that connects them to home and family, such as a photograph or a favorite toy. Having this reminder can help calm your child if they become upset or experience a moment of panic during the day.